I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
