the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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