you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
