Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
