Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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