if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
