He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
