True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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