jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
