holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I stole a fireplace last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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