News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
