every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
