when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
