marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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