We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
