So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
