id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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