____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
