So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
