I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
