then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
