I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
