Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
