You can't motorboat a personality
im holly from the hills drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
