Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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