I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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