I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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