Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
id be glad to
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
