I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
