soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
