Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
