I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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