Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
