literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
