honey bunches of taint.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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