Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
