i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
