I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
