You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As shirtless as possible
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
