i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
only if we run a train.
done.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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