Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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