he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
