Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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