I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
