Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Found your dick twin last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
