are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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