I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Are we still banned from the library?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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