Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
