One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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