A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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