it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
